A Pimp-ly Word of Advice

Hey you!

I know what’s on your mind. Let’s cut the bullshit and get down to the hot, sexy shit: Oil!

Be careful when fooling around with Oil, or even courting its attentions– Oil is undeniably attractive, but it’s also dark, notoriously slick, and it has a hell of a bad reputation among the fellas for causing violence. Watch out because it’s got a long and sordid history. Oil has been all over town! And you and I both know that everywhere she goes she causes explosive “growth”: Industry, Technology, Consumption are all in love with her man…even the series of processes associated with the expansion of transnational capitalism (who also goes by a street name: Globalization.)

Oil has been seen hanging around with a crazy punk called The American Way Of Life. This guy is dangerous. He’s a sadistic bastard; a schizophrenic gangster and pimp, no joke. Jack Nicholson from The Departed looks like Julie Andrews from Mary Poppins compared to this asshole.

This dude is so conceited that he’s even got that ornamental “The” attached to his name. (Presumably you would remove the article if you were actually speaking with him. Just as you would if you were to make plans to hang out with The RZA. As in: “Hey RZA, what are you doing on Tuesday night? Wanna play a game of Scrabble?”)

Besides man, Oil is not a cheap date…it will make you buy dinner at a pricey French Restaurant. You’re gonna be buying bottles of fine wine and lobster platters at market price! Shit!

The word on the street: Oil is probably going to run out on you soon, my brother. It’s not the kind of resource to stick around and make a home for you and your kids, you dig? It is bad for business.

EDIT: Friedman works a similar Oil metaphor here


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3 Responses to “A Pimp-ly Word of Advice”

  1. David Says:

    I have a question: when did you become a total nutbar?

  2. William Bruntrager Says:


  3. tripinchina Says:

    …we had to beat them to death with their own shoes…

    awww, you don’t like my attempt to make the peak oil crisis more fun? 😦

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